Blind Watcher
Is that what you are making me?
An outside observer to my own life.
I should have known better than all of this, but here I stand; with something I could never give up, only let go. And as much as I do feel bad I can't. The half of me that is sweet and pure is cowering, the side that would cut you up and make a mobile out of your parts wants to scream. Scream at the sky, fall down and die.
But have you all noticed just how fast time passes? Were did all that time go? It was never supposed to end, go into eternity. But it did, don't you see? That was an eternity. a section in life were time seemed to stand still and every time you went to sleep your dreams were just a flash until you woke up to live the eternity all over again. But some were along the line we hit that rift in time again and are thrust back into the world were days pass...minutes still no longer exist to me, but its different. Good or bad? That answer changes with every 'minute' that passes. So I can't tell you that.

I can tell you that in these days my container of marbles fluxuates with the time of day. I wake up remembering that I've hurt someone close to me. I go to sleep remembering how I did that.
Just living.

How can you multiply anything by 50 and put it to a power of 6? maybe its not even that its the fact that you think you know what I was feeling right then, what I was even thinking of. On days like those, I was wishing I could kill my past. Make a mobile out of that.

I don't understand why we are the black sheep now. Our fault in other peoples eyes. When it is no ones fault at all. Looked down upon, looked through.

I can't even begin to know how to tell you what it feels like to feel deja-vu all the time. I live in the twilight zone. And it all seems so surreal. Call me a lunatic if you like and brush it off as you must. But if you must feel that you have to say something, plz say it to me. I want to know how to fix myself, grow as a person through my life experiences and how better than to take what other people say and mold my self to that. Less biased than I.

- posted by Catherine @ 6/28/2004 10:16:00 AM