Cold and Sharp
Thursday, January 13, 2005
What's better?
The high that comes is the same. The same chemicals course through my head and I feel the same weightlessness that brings me back again and again. But which is better?
I love both of them
one steel
one soft human flesh, and idealistic thoughts
but can I really personify the steel to be anywhere near this boy? The one that professes he loves me so much? Did the razor ever say those things to me? The slicing sound of blade through air, or the soft sound of it against skin...would that ever match a whisper holding such hope as those that have beteaned my ear as of late?
...you tell me
I could get scolded for both of them, though I seem to be more easily scolded for the one that is coldest to my touch. The boy asks me never to visit this illegitimate lover of mine, but the metal never tells me to do anything, I am never scolded for going to him instead...
But to give this thing such characteristics of a person. This inanimate piece of scrap the same considerations as I do the feelings of another person. This seems so crazy.
In fact it is.
I am still torn...how can logic fail me like this? How does emotion always blur the lines!?
Comments:
It is easier to love something you can never hurt and that will never bear the threat of leaving you.
He wants your safety, your ultimate hapiness, and therfore tried his hardest to keep you from hurting yourself. Maybe the razor doesn't scold you, but it doesn't have the capacity to love.
It is easier to personify the urge into that peice of metal which brings the resolution to the need rather than admit your need for it is as strong as your love for him.
I will never scold you for either... i may shake my head sadly or laughingly, but only because i feel the same, and i'm scared to admit it. The only diference is, my boy will never ask me to stop. He will never try and save me because he cannot save himself.
But i love you darling, wether your holding the boy or the blade.
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He wants your safety, your ultimate hapiness, and therfore tried his hardest to keep you from hurting yourself. Maybe the razor doesn't scold you, but it doesn't have the capacity to love.
It is easier to personify the urge into that peice of metal which brings the resolution to the need rather than admit your need for it is as strong as your love for him.
I will never scold you for either... i may shake my head sadly or laughingly, but only because i feel the same, and i'm scared to admit it. The only diference is, my boy will never ask me to stop. He will never try and save me because he cannot save himself.
But i love you darling, wether your holding the boy or the blade.
If you're not, please 
